So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
