Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
