dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
