It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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