I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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