Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
