i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
