Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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