I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
