I just made out with a guy for $7.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
