I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
