woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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