oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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