mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
