like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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