His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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