Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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