Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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