I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
