was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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