i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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