I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
