Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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