Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
