Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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