I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
