Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
