people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
