i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
