Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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