It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
