even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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