I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
