you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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