I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
