captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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