I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize