Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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