Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize