do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize