but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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