this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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