I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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