I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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