I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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