mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
