Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
