Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
