I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
