Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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