I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
