hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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