Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
