I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
