just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
