remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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