i just wanna soil my oats bro
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
