He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
