apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
