I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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