I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
