just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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