Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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