why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
