Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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