We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
