So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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