It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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