i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just cropdusted the office
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
