why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
