I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
